best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
