Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
