I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
