Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
