hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
the liver wants what the liver wants
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
