He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
