don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
