he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
