just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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