I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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