Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
