You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
