My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
