i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
