Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
