I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
