and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
