I accidentally had phone sex last night
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
