Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
