Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
