i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
