so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
