No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
