If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
God, I missed his penis.
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