Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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