I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
