mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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