Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
