Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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