just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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