I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
