She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
