So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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