I feel great
I just peed on a car
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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