Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Every concussion has its silver lining
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
