he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Randomize
