I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
