apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
