you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
