I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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