Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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