It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
