I wannas sexs uuuuu
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
