thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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