I hate your face
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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