he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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