i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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