why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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