drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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