You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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