Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
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