Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
