Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Randomize
