OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
