I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
